Relationship Tips

written by some dude.

1. Whatever you do, don't just show up at their house [without notice]...they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. DON'T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mad. And be in BIG trouble.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn't even wait for the hat. Thus the handiness of male friends.

4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they're beautiful. Men don't do this often enough.

5. DON'T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it's because they're jealous. This too.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

7. Don't be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they're going out with you in the first place, it's because they like being in your arms. *giggle*

8. If you don't sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.

9. If you DO sleep with them, DON'T tell your friends that you did. (Is it worth it? You probably wont get any if she finds out.) And definitely in deep doo-doo.

10. You can be dirty minded in private, really...most of them are not offended by it... The operative word here is PRIVATE.

11. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales. It's not talking about me.

12. Most of them don't mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you're a pussy.

13. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING. Even if it's not a serious relationship.

14. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you're dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren't dropping her off, call to be sure she's home safely.

15. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him. Or you can just stand there and hold her purse while she pounds his face into an unrecognizable mass of pulp.


16. If you're talking to a female friend of yours, PULL YOUR GIRLFRIEND CLOSER.


17. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it's just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, "Oh, you're so dumb" or something, never make any gestures back.

18. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn't care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

19. You're dead meat if you can't get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

20. Don't flirt with their moms...that' s just freaky.

21. Don't be freaked out by PMS. It's not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding. Hallelujah!

22. If you don't like the way they drive, you do it.

23. If you're officially dating, and you're introducing her to your friends, you'd better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend. NOT your 'friend'. *rolls eyes* Fuckers.

24. Don't stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.


25. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them WITHOUT being asked.


26. Girls are fragile. Even if you're play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

27. Memorize their birthdays. You forget her birthday and you're basically screwed for life.

28. Don't marinade the cologne, but smell good. Some men just don't know when to stop bathing in gallons of this stinky stuff.

29. Don't give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine's day. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

30. If you think the relationship isn't going to last, don't wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out.

31. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

32. NEVER, and I mean NEVER make her do anything she doesn't wanna do. Because if you do she'll think that you're only after one thing (and i think you all know what that is). You know who you are. This isn't a hint anymore. It's in plain, readable sight.

*****

HURRAH! A male that understands!